The lowest point came when I had to explain to my four year old, who was so excited i was having a baby, that there was no longer a baby in mommy's tummy. We cried together while I explained that the baby went back to be with Jesus and we would see the baby again someday. That's a hard concept for a four year old to grasp.
It was a horrible few weeks. My heart literally hurt. But I was also humbled by the people around me. I have an amazing family. My mom came over and forced me to get out of my pajamas and take a shower. My husband took over most of the household chores while I sat around and felt sorry for myself. Wonderful friends checked on me often, people from my church brought in dinner.
I decided I was done being bitter, done being angry at God. I was determined to use this trial to strengthen my faith. I'm still a work in progress, I still have days of bitterness, but I've learned why we are tried during this life. It really does strengthen us, humble us, make us more worthy to be called children of God.
I've learned so much these last few months. I am stronger than I ever thought I was.
It helps to picture my baby sitting on the Saviors lap. I always think about how I would've told my baby about Jesus, but I hope He is telling my baby about me...... I'm sure he is :)
